Every group has its own distinct language, and Christianity is no different. Back when I was an unbeliever, a Christian friend approached me and said, “Jim, I’ve been convicted lately, and God has put you on my heart. God told me you need to be born again; you need to come to repentance and experience a conversion. It’s time for you to deal with the sin in your life and have a true spiritual rebirth. Why don’t you invite Jesus into your heart and make Him the Lord of your life? If you have faith you can be saved. You can be washed by the Blood of the Lamb, and sanctified so you can enjoy fellowship with your Christian brethren.” OK, he didn’t actually put it quite like that. But he might as well have. I couldn’t understand a thing he said. His “Christianese” was fluent and mine was not. Years later, I found myself using much of the same language with my unbelieving friends, only to find them equally confused and alienated. So, here’s a list of common Christian expressions I’ve decided to translate for all my friends who are still speaking the language of the secular culture:
Amen.#1. “God has put you (or something) on my heart. / God told me.”Really? As an atheist, I was offended by this kind of language. What makes you Christians so sure you know what God is thinking? Are you actually hearing a voice from Heaven? Does it sound like Morgan Freeman? Sounds a bit presumptuous to me.
In which case, if God really did cause you to be motivated to talk to Jim like that, you are refusing to glorify god when you refuse to proclaim who is responsible for the motive in your heart. Sounds like you think there's more power in language than in the Holy Spirit.Try this instead: “Jim, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. You come to mind when I am praying and talking to God.”
Good answer. I would have said Jesus is a disgusting pig for using a metaphor like that since whatever he wished to teach, probably didn't "require" that he lead an orthodox Jew into thoughts of incest.#2. “Be ‘born again.’ / Have a spiritual rebirth.”Is “Born Again” a political party or something you want me to join? Aren’t all Christians “born again?” If so, why are you using the additional adjective? Are “Born Agains” the true, hardcore Christians? Are they political activists like the modern day “Birthers”? Sorry, I’m too busy to become a fanatic or join a movement.
But the answer would be: "why? according to your bible, annihilationism is true, a fate I've already expected and accepted as an atheist. No thanks, I'll do what I want".Try this instead: “Reconsider your beliefs and begin a new life as a Christian.”
Well your god is not all-powerful. See Christian apologist Greg Boyd here.#3. “You need to come to repentance. / Experience a conversion.”My mother used to take me to Catholic Mass occasionally when I was a small boy. I hated it. I never understood what those priests were saying, but I’m sure it had something to do with “penance,” “penitence,” or “repentance.” Didn’t King James die a long time ago? Why are we still trying to talk like him?Try this instead: “You and I might be ‘good’ at times but we’re not ‘perfect.’ If God is all-powerful, He has the ability to be perfect.
So basically what you are saying is Luke 1:6 is a lie, because God would never consider sinners to be righteous by their obedience?The only way imperfect creatures like you and I can be united to a perfect God is to accept the pardon He’s offering for our imperfection.”
It also said he had motives in contradiction to the Father's purposes, see Matthew 26:39. He cannot have a rational motive to say "not my will...", if his will was always in perfect accord with the Father's. And again, the bible doesn't specify this is only the human half of Jesus, and non-Christian readers are fully reasonable to insist that this is talking about ALL of Jesus (i.e., it was both his human and divine sides that manifested a will contrary to the Father's).#4. “Deal with your sin.”You go ahead and deal with your sin if you want to. I’m too busy dealing with everyone else’s sin. I’m a police officer, for crying out loud; we’re the “good guys.” We put the “bad guys” in jail, and most of the folks I arrest tell me they’re Christians. Please Mr. “Holier Than Thou,” don’t start talking to me about my “sin.” It’s offensive.Try this instead: “The Bible says Jesus is God
"perfect" means precisely nothing beyond our individual relativistic definitions. if perfect means "all-wise", then Jesus was not perfect in his childhood years, see Luke 2:40, he could hardly grow in wisdom if he were already "perfect" in wisdom. And that verse doesn't say it was merely the "human nature" of Jesus that grew in wisdom, you are only reading that caveat into the text because you insist in bible inerrancy and you insist other parts of the bible declare that Jesus is god in his nature, two presuppositions sufficiently controversial as to rationally warrant the atheist, if they so choose, to wash their hands entirely of this word-game called "bible".and the only perfect man who ever lived.
Nope, he died because he was a criminal, nothing more, and it is only a martydom complex cult that told itself his defeat was actually a victory ( coming from the same stupid fortune cookie crap that says "my strength is made perfect in weakness". Funny how we never think our defeat of an enemy was a "victory" for them). Not much different from the bereaved parents who insist their rececntly deceased child is in a better place. It might feel good to say it, that doesn't mean it is true.Yet He died like a common criminal to pay the price for our daily ‘crimes’ of imperfection.
Thus begging the question of how it can be meaningful to say "Jesus died for your sins", and yet this benefit can be held back by unbelief. What exactly happened to YOUR sins, Wallace, at the moment Jesus died for them? And should I bring a Calvinist into the debate to remind your readers of how faulty your understanding of the bible is?If we are willing to accept what Jesus did for us on the cross, He’s willing to apply His perfection to us.”
Excellent answer.#5. “Invite Jesus into your heart.”You mean like a boyfriend? What exactly does that mean to have “Jesus in my heart?” I’m not an emotional kind of guy, so please don’t ask me to sing songs or hold hands with Jesus, especially in public. Do I have to emasculate myself to become a Christian? If so, thanks for reminding me why I’m not a Christian.
My response: if your god really wanted my sins to disappear, he could make them disappear with a wave of his magic wand (2nd Samuel 12:13), and if by monster miracle he can convert somebody far more antagonistic to Christianity than I ever was (Saul/Paul), God can achieve the entire salvation of my soul without lying and saying it all depends on my freewill.Try this instead: “When we admit our imperfections, believe Jesus died on the cross to pay the price for our mistakes, and accept His sacrifice, we can start a new relationship with God.”
LOL. I would never want to be more like the god who required burning pre-teen prostitutes to death (Leviticus 21:9). Feel free to say God has learned with the passing of time to be nicer, but only at grave theological cost.#6. “Make Jesus the Lord of your life.”Isn’t this the twenty-first century? Are there still serfs and lords? Was J.R. Tolkien the author of your Scripture? It kind of sounds that way. What is a “Lord” anyway? Is it like a “slave master”? Between bosses and supervisors, most of us have enough people trying to be our “Lord.” Thanks anyway.Try this instead: “As you begin to appreciate the magnitude of God’s forgiveness and sacrifice, you’ll find yourself wanting to be more like Him.”
Fuck you! Jesus didn't give us SHIT. We get precisely nothing about first century Christianity "from Jesus", unless you think Jesus authored the New Testament?#7. “Have faith.”If by “faith” you mean believing in something in spite of the evidence, no thanks. Blind faith is dangerous. I’m a cop; evidence matters to me. You can keep your “faith;” I’d rather have my “reason.” The world would be a better place if fewer people flew planes into buildings because they believed something blindly.Try this instead: “Jesus gave us more than enough evidence to believe what He said about Himself.
He also healed vast crowds of their illnesses and is not recorded to have nagged any Gentiles about their deficient view of the Hebrew scriptures or whether they need to actually follow him around and hang on his every word. Quite a departure from the Christ represented by modern funda-gelical Christianity, who is never anything more than a literary concept, to be bandied about as an intellectual plaything.He never asked people to take an irrational, blind leap. He asked instead for a reasonable step of trust.”
No thanks, god can get rid of even death-deserving sins of adultery and murder by simply waving his magic wand, no need to "accept" anything. 2nd Samuel 12:13.#8. “Be saved.”Saved from what and saved by who? Last time I checked, I’m the guy who usually does the saving. And doesn’t your holy book say “God helps those who help themselves?” I’ve been helping myself for thirty-five years now without a problem. No need to change that. I’m okay, but thanks for the offer.Try this instead: “God doesn’t want anyone to be separated from Him. He’s given us a way home. All we have to do is accept His offer of forgiveness through Jesus.”
It also turns out that you couldn't prove this to save your life. I've already batted down the arguments for the resurrection of Jesus, so all you have is a crucified criminal. I'll pass.#9. “Be washed by the blood of the Lamb.”Tell me you didn’t just say that. I know what a “blood bath” is, and it’s not usually a good thing. I’m not sure what a lamb has to do with it, but lamb’s not my favorite food anyway. Are you trying to get me excited about Christianity or chase me away?Try this instead: “It turns out that the death of one man (Jesus) provides forgiveness for the rest of us.”
or maybe, like lots of non-Christians, they are capable of "fronting" for extended periods.#10. “Be Sanctified.”Is that kind of like “sanctimonious?” I sure know a lot of Christians who are smug and self-righteous. Is that what happens over time if I become a Christian? It certainly seems that way. “Sanctified” sounds a bit arrogant. I bet sanctified people think their pretty “special.” You can keep your pretentious “sanctification.”Try this instead: “Grateful people are selfless people. Christians who understand how much they’ve been forgiven are changed over time.”
What if I never tithe? How happy would your pastor be if I "joined the community", then convinced everybody that tithing is not for the modern church? "grateful" probably isn't the word...Bonus Expression #11. “Enjoy fellowship.”What, another Lord of the Rings reference? Really? Do you people ever use language from this century? Christianity sounds a lot like an exclusive country club. If I join, it sounds like I’ll get to become a “fellow” of some sort. Do I have to give up having a beer with the fellas in order to hang out with the Christian fellows? Hmm, that kind of makes the decision easy for me.Try this instead: “It’s encouraging to find grateful Christians who are struggling to become people of God. We’re out there and eager to have you join our community, regardless of what you may believe today.”
Why? Can't you just tell yourself that because your language was biblically accurate, the job of having those words sink in and convert somebody is not yours, but only the Holy Spirit's?I understand the importance of our theologically rich Christian language, and as a Christian I often use similar words when talking with Christians. But when I’m talking with unbelievers, I try to think about how I used to hear and interpret these words before I became a Christian.
How much effort must you put into apologetics, before us atheists begin to be justified in our suspicion that the "Holy Spirit" constitutes nothing but gratuitous afterthought?
No comments:
Post a Comment